Set Goals Then Kick 'Em in the Face

Very excited about my progress at the gym today!  Very, very excited!!!  I also know that I am going to be very hungry today.  Very, very hungry!!!  :)

I think this quote is funny and so true.  I have goals but I don't want to just meet those goals...I want to pass them and then strive for another.

Today I did a few sets of deadlifts and was able to do 4 at 185 pounds.  So fun!  Why don't more women attempt these?

My form started to slip a bit as I put those last 10 pounds on but I was still able to pull that bar up off of the ground and do what I needed to do.  It was a workout...mentally and physically and I was dripping sweat non-stop.  Today my towel was completely soaked...so disgusting but yet also a little bit awesome.  :)  I am now just pounds away from meeting the goal that I have...deadlifting my bodyweight.  I almost went to go get a few more plates to add on just to see if I could do 5 more pounds but I was content with 185 today.  Next time though...I will get to 190 and will most likely pass my goal...and kick it in the face.  Hopefully next week I will meet this challenge.

I have also been making it a point to follow my motto each morning I am at the gym..."lift big or go home".

One of my challenges that I have for myself is also to eventually get to do an 80 pound push press.  The barbell push press is one of my absolute favorite exercises!  The last few months I have really been hesitant about trying heavier weight.  I saw that I was slipping backwards and wasn't challenging myself and so something needed to be done if I really was going to follow my motto and see results.  Continuing to do the same thing is just teaching my body that this is routine.  In other word, this wasn't a challenge, I wouldn't see results because of that and my body could anticipate what I would be doing and so each attempt at this lower weight was really not doing much.  I was doing 10 reps of 50 pounds easily.  A few weeks later I noticed I was doing 40 pounds instead.

I think I was scared.  I was scared I would fall or drop the weight.  Scared I would injure myself.  Scared that I would fail.  Scared to be doing the majority of my exercises in that "man area".  Something clicked in me though and I knew that if I didn't try I never would get up to my goal.   I might fail, I might drop things and that is ok.  Being in that area of the gym is just the reality now also.  The weights are getting too heavy to move all over the gym and then move back and the women's area doesn't have weights that are heavy enough anymore.  The fact is that I am now needing to be working out with the heavier weights.  It seems like the guys hog this area of the gym but that is only because there are not enough women that feel confident to be lifting by them.  Reality is though...after watching a little bit today to see what the guys really were doing...I was lifting as much or more than about half of them.  In fact...a guy did a deadlift on the bar before me and only lifted 95 pounds.  I know this because I had to remove the weights that he had on since he didn't clean up after himself...it is very easy to add up two 25 pound plates.

Lately I have been doing mostly 50 pounds to start with but am ending my push presses with set of 5 with a 60 pound barbell.  The first time it was so hard and I could hardly do 1 or 2.  My arms felt like Jell-o and the words challenge and hard were great describers.  Today I did 2 sets of 5 at 60 pounds and it felt good.  It wasn't easy but today, as I lifted the bar above my head, I felt successful   My form was really good...except on one that was just horrible.  This successful feeling is how I know that I am close to getting ready to try to move it up a bit in weight.  I'll be honest...70 pounds...not sure how that will go the first time I try it.

As I get closer and closer and more comfortable with each weight there is a part of me that is just downright scared.  I have butterflies in my stomach because I know that this is something new, it is a bit on the exciting side and yet it is putting me another step outside of my comfort zone.  That's the whole point though...a challenge is meant to put us in a place outside of our normal "safe" area.  I am proving to myself that I can do this and I am meeting my goals, one at a time.

I also hope that I am showing other women in the gym that they can do more.  Do you know how much it bothers me when I see people focusing on how many calories they are burning rather than challenging themselves?  What really irks me are those that read or talk on the phone while "working out".  Sorry...that is not working out...hate to break it to you.

I taught an abs and butt class Thursday morning and to be honest I was bored with it.  I wanted heavy weights to go with what I was teaching and all that the room had was some on the smaller scale (everything was under 15 pounds and they were also very pretty, colorful weights...barf!).  I was the teacher though so I couldn't just leave and get something heavier...I had to teach with what there was.  I talked with the people in the class about what their potential is and watched as they performed each exercise.  No one in the room was a beginner, they all have been "working out" for at least a year.  One of the exercises we were doing is one that I have to share with anyone I meet...it is just a must...the barbell hip thrust.  We had these little weighted bars in the room and it was just pathetic.  BORING!  After we did a few things with that exercise I nicely informed them that they can go very heavy and they should try to challenge themselves outside of the class sometime...grab a bar, add some weights and just see what they could do.  I think I scared them because they didn't believe me when I told them a number of weights that they could probably lift just fine.  I think that this is the exercise...and a little push from the guy that introduced me to the exercise...that showed me that I really can do much more than what my mind thought was possible.

Now it is time to eat.  One of the best things about lifting weights is that I get to eat!  Real food, lots of it and knowing what that feeling of true hunger is.  My stomach will be growling all day long today because of my workout and I am happy to fuel it with what it needs and when it needs it.  Bring on the grub!

It's Reality TV...live.

I'm pretty sure that MTV or Bravo...not sure which one exactly, but I think that one of these companies are secretly filming my family for a reality show.

I don't write about my family much, mostly to protect them and not make them mad at me for what I might say.  :)  I know somewhere deep inside we all love each other but the way that our family shows that love is really puzzling to me.  The last 24 hours seem to just be the tip of what this show is going to show the public.

I am the big sister but I have not lived or grown up with 7 of my siblings.  I don't know those 7 siblings as well as I know my biological brother...but I grew up with him, lived through a traumatic event in our lives with the loss of our biological sister which gave us a bond that was very tight.  We relied on each other for a lot while she was sick and we both grew up quite a bit very fast.  

The relationships with the adopted kids have been tough to establish.  We have had our share of learning experiences that are ones most families would throw in the towel the first time it happened.    As of last night the show of our family seems to be stuck on repeat...I am now watching the show for the 5th time.

Here is how it plays out:

For the teenage boys...boys decide that they no longer want to follow the rules in the house and so they decide to leave the house.  Some decide that smoking is the cool thing to do, others have tried drugs, lived with drug dealers, selling drugs at school, partying, a few have thought that stripping is their calling (yes, I think they may have watched Magic Mike and dreamed that they were the stars on the screen), some worked as bouncers at a strip club, school is not important and some didn't finish high school and others have decided that a full ride to college is just not important either, homelessness was also the life of one of my brothers.  

For the teenage girls...girl meets guy, girl moves out with guy but doesn't really communicate that in any way to the parents of the plan or any indication that this was going to happen.  The move happens pretty fast (faster than you can even say "bye") and the words "goodbye" really aren't said.  Hurt feelings by all family members are in the air after the quick move and some communication is continued with the family.

All of these situations left a huge hole in my family.  None of these "moving out" situations have transitioned well...not a single one.  Most of them involve either the cops on several occasions  probation officers or just a lot of hurt feelings and words that were spoken that shouldn't have been said.  The words spoken yesterday were just another page in the script of this story.

I was on the phone with my sister last night as she was in the process of trying to decide if she was going to go move in with her boyfriend that she has known for 5 weeks.  I met him briefly at Thanksgiving and I have absolute zero respect for this person who doesn't even deserve the title of "man".  Those are my nice words for him.  Anything else that I say about him I will have the decency to say to his face, which is what he should be doing to my family rather than spouting things on Facebook, deleting comments I write and the very rude things he has said about our family over the phone and through text.  That is not what a man does.  When I talked with my sister I am guessing that her mind was either already made up or made up for her.  She is in a very controlling relationship, she is not making the best choices for herself and when I asked her why this boy wanted her to move out she said, "he said I need to experience the real world."  I asked her what the "real world" meant to him and what his definition of that was.  She said that he thinks her life should be harder and that she has things too easy.  Those were her words to me on the phone...I did not say that but I did have quite the response for her.  FYI...The place she is living in as of last night is with the boyfriend and his brother.  The brother was so drunk last weekend that my sister had to help the boyfriend move out temporarily because he was being hit by his drunk brother.  I guess the word "harder" is one word to describe her new living situation.  Me...I personally prefer the words "abusive", "controlling", "manipulative" and "dysfunctional".  

I wanted to scream at her, I wanted to just cry on the phone (she already was and I know my mom was so why not join them) but all I could tell her was this at the end of our conversation, "what is your gut telling you to do?"  Her response, of course, was the standard teenager response.  "I don't know."  I made her answer the question though and I don't think she gave me the answer that I just wanted to hear, I think that she really gave me the answer that she was feeling, "that I shouldn't go."

I didn't tell her that the choices she was making was right or wrong.  In my heart I think that this is the worst decision that she has ever made in her young 19 year old life....but I couldn't tell her that.  It wouldn't have mattered or done anything at that point.  

I did ask her one thing though, which is one thing that the other 4 kids have not had the respect to do for me...call me if they decide to move out of the house.  I asked her if she would call me before she made the choice.  I was on the phone with her until about 11:00 pm and at that point she said she didn't know what she was going to do.  She left the house at 11:30pm and did not call me.  That was all I asked her to do...just call me.

Today is a feeling of huge defeat.  I'm tired of this stupid story playing out over and over again.  I am tired of the disrespect for our family on all parts.  Do these kids even realize where they would be now if a family did not adopt them?  Do they even know how hard this is on my own kids and that when my kids ask, "Where's ______?" I usually don't have an answer for them because I have no idea?  I seriously have not had communication or seen some of my siblings for years after their big move out day.  I've been told to be careful with the adoption card because this isn't a normal situation for many families.  You know what...I don't care.  These kids came into our family one way and if it wasn't the same as how I came into the family it doesn't matter.  Family means family.  If I need a kidney they may not be able to help me out but if I need to talk or tell them how I feel we should be able to communicate.  We are all a family and yet we don't treat each other like a family.

The siblings are working hard to get my sister to snap out of this relationship coma that she is in which seems to be controlling her.  I really wish I knew how this finale ended though...at the moment it is a real cliffhanger and is one that seems to consume my thoughts, prayers and every ounce of energy.  

What is my gut feeling?  I need to go take her out of that situation but I think it is already too late.  This is a lesson that she is going to have to learn the hard way and most likely this show will end up on Teen  Mom or will be some episode that CSI will be airing next spring.  

That is the reality of this real life situation.

I did call my sister who is home sick today to see how she is doing with all of this.  I am sure that the house was not a calm and quiet place for a kid last night.  Other than being sick she said she was ok.  Her one comment that she shared with me about our now absent sister is that she didn't even stop to tell her goodbye.  She was really hurt and I could hear it in her voice.  My sister didn't even tell the person she has been sharing a room with for 11 years, her own biological sister, a simple "goodbye".  I told her that I loved her and she could always call me if she ever wanted to talk about anything (she is about 2 years older than my daughter, Sidney).

Definition of me

I am so excited! Why? Because I now know how to define what I have a passion for at the gym.

Powerlifting!

The word alone sounds crazy and quite intimidating...and yet this is what I really like to do. I am now understanding why I have staring eyes at me sometimes...it's because I am not doing the norm.

I have a list of sites I found that are really inspiring that I will post links to at a later date. To sum up what Ive read though today...1) If you want to get rid of some fat and get toned...lifting heavy is really the best thing to do. All the sources I will list agree. 2) Best thing about lifting...we can eat lots of good stuff at the same time! When I say lots...I mean lots of protein and veggies. Cut out the Hostess that you bought on eBay and get back to eating the way our bodies were designed to be fed. They work much better this way too. 3). You WILL NOT get bulky. I promise. I have lost inches... Not gained them.

At the moment I have one motto as I enter the gym...lift big or just go home. If I am not going to challenge myself I should just keep sleeping.

Today I increased some weights on a few exercises. Here is what I did...each twice (while you were sleeping). ;)

Back squat. 50 pound barbell/8 reps
Rfess 15 pounds each hand/8 and then 20 pounds/8

Barbell hip thrust with shoulders on bench. 50/6. (This one gets some looks)
Front squat. 50/7

Calf raises on plates. 30lb each hand/15
Sumo squat. 40 lb/8

Leg press 270 pounds plus machine of 118 pounds.

(I may be a bit sore tomorrow)

I already know what I will be increasing the next time and can't wait to see if I can increase my deadlifts weights too.

Want to join me?

I'm allergic to...

Yes, I really am.  I am allergic to negative people.

Negative people make my skin crawl.
Negative people make me think badly of myself.
Negative people make my attitude go from high to a very low place.
Negative people roll their eyes at me.
Negative people are just not inspiring...plain and simple.

In the last week I have had a lot of positive conversations, a lot of positive interaction with many positive people.  But...there was one conversation that just sticks in my mind and one action that this person did that is replaying in my head.

I answered a very simple question that was asked of me about my workouts.  The question was really common knowledge and really wasn't a hard one to answer at all.

As I answered the question the person rolled their eyes at me.  I saw it.

This person is supposed to be my friend and yet is not supportive at all in my choice to workout at a gym at a time that I find works for me.

Was I a little shocked?  At the beginning, no.  I brushed it off just thinking that this was more of the attitude of the person rather than their true feelings.  As I continued to think about it though (as women do) I realized that the majority of the conversation was not positive at all.  There might have been a few moments with happy feelings but I truly left that conversation with the person indicating they were done talking with me and someone else was more important to speak with.  Kindof leaves you with a feeling of yuck and "I guess I'm not important enough".  I also started thinking about my time of the day when I workout.  Is this really what I need to do?  Is this truly the best time of day for me?  Am I doing something wrong?

This IS what I need to do, for me.  This IS the best time of day for me.  And, no.  No, I am not doing anything wrong.  I am going to a gym, lifting weights, teaching classes and losing weight and dropping sizes.  The result is that I am getting healthier...my entire goal with this process.

Why do I let this person continue to get in my head and fill my brain with the negativity that they are consumed with?  I am allergic to this person and I need to remember that any time I have a conversation with them.  I need to take their words with a grain of salt because the words are just meant to cut me down.  For some reason my success with my journey bothers this person.  Regardless of how this person is feeling this is my journey...MY journey.

Have you been working on a goal and found that someone is just trying to sabotage you?

As I was looking for some inspiring words to get me going for Monday morning I came across these and just had to share.  :)

Bowl of Sunshine Anyone?

Chris and I were on a date (one of the best things about a kid that is now old enough to babysit!) and happened to have a few minutes to run into a store before our movie started.

I adore those word signs that are out there and getting to be pretty popular and I also enjoy embarrassing my kids a bit.  :)  Sid is at the perfect age to really get her going too and it is so much fun.

There is one quote that I found on Pinterest awhile ago that I thought was just hilarious.  Tonight, while walking through the store, I found a sign with that exact saying.

So funny!  I am putting it on our kitchen table so Sidney will see it right away in the morning.

Low Carb (and yummy) Pumpkin Pie

Don't pass up this blog post just because of the words "low carb"!

I went into this Thanksgiving with a little bit different perspective on food than most years.  I wrote a few days ago about my plan for this Thanksgiving meal that you can read about at this link (you have to put your mouse over it to see it).

Growing up we had some Thanksgiving meals where I would actually eat so much that I threw up after because I was so full.  My body just couldn't handle all of the calories and sugar changes that it had nothing to do but fight me by getting rid of the food.  Food issues are just part of my life and I either will continue with those issues and stay the way I have been year after year or I can change things up a bit so I can still enjoy the day and not regret eating everything that I threw down my throat.

One of the things I did differently this year was bring some of my own food and find some healthier alternatives to some of the Thanksgiving favs.  (Healthier for us at the moment means lower in carbs in little to zero amounts of real sugar.)  Pumpkin pie was right there at the top of the list.

I experimented with a recipe, tasted it on Thanksgiving Day and truly enjoyed it.  I couldn't tell that it wasn't the normal pie at all other than the crust, which was obvious.  The pie was enjoyed by everyone and no one else complained either so it must have been a good one.  :)

Here is the recipe for the low carb pumpkin pie.

Pecan Nut Pie Crust

• 1 cup pecan pieces (frozen)
• 2 T melted butter
• 2 T sugar equivalent from artificial sweetener of your choice. (I used Splenda)

1.  Take pecans out of the freezer and put them in a blender or food processor.  Pulse until the largest pieces are as big as lentils or split peas.
2.  Add the butter and sweetener.  Blend until it's mixed evenly.
3.  Dump into pie pan and push with your fingers to cover the bottom and sides.
Nutrition:  whole crust is 4.5 grams effective carbs plus 10.5 grams fiber, 10 grams of protein, 101 grams fat, 950 calories.

Low Carb Pumpkin Pie

• 1 15 ounce can pumpkin
• 2 eggs
• 2/3 cup unsweetened soy milk
• 1/3 cup cream
• 1 cup sugar equivalent from artificial sweetener
• 1 teaspoon dark molasses (optional)
• 2 teaspoon cinnamon
• 1 scant teaspoon nutmeg
• 1/4 teaspoon ground ginger
• pinch cloves
• 1/4 teaspoon salt

1.  Preheat oven to 425 degrees F
2.  Dump all the ingredients into a food processor or blender and whirl to blend.  (I used a mixer)
3.  Pour into the crust.
4.  Put the pie in the oven and immediately turn the oven down to 375 degrees F.  In 15 minutes, turn the oven down to 300 degrees F. (This cooks the crust so it isn't soggy, but then allows the pumpkin part to back more slowly.)  Bake until almost set in the middle, about 40 minutes more.  (It took about 50 minutes for me).  If it starts to crack a bit around the edges it is probably done.
5.  Cool and serve.
Nutrition:  8 servings, without crust:  3.5 grams effective carbs pus 2 grams fiber, 3 grams protein, 5.5 grams fat, 80 calories.  With the pecan crust each serving is about 4 grams effective carbs with 3.4 grams fiber.

See original recipe here.

The battle between Awesome & Healthy

My mind has really been in a struggle knowing what to do on the grand turkey day.

Do I eat what I want? or Do I eat according to what I should be eating and stick with the plan?

The plan is working.  I am down 9 pounds, have passed my goal that was in my head and am about 7 pounds from the next goal.  If I stick with the plan I will just be on target still and will get to the goal faster.  My body will also stay in sync with what it is doing and I won't screw it up by eating more of what I shouldn't.

If I eat what I want...meaning; mashed potatoes, gravy, traditional pie, rolls, etc. I am not sure what that would do to my insides.  I haven't had more than 30 carbs a day in a few weeks now.  Would I feel sick?  Would I just feel gross from eating sugar and all those carbs that I haven't enjoyed for so long?  Maybe I would just simply enjoy the food rather than inhale it like I do some holiday meals.

I tried getting advice from some fitness sites as well to see what the norm is and this is what I came up with:  some tell you to go eat whatever you want and enjoy the day, others tell you not to give in and sacrifice all the work and time you have put in to accomplish your goals.  Ok...so they weren't a lot of help.

I decided that this is my plan of attack for t-day...it is a combination of both.
Pumpkin Pie...how can you not eat pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving?  Looking back over the years I actually can eat about 1/2 a piece of this type of pie and I think it is mostly because of what is in the pie.  My insides hurt because of the ingredients with traditional pumpkin pie.  And...how many minutes on the bike would I need to sit in order to burn off that one piece?  To still get to taste that pie and enjoy this part of Thanksgiving I made a low-carb pumpkin pie (4 grams per serving and 0 sugar).  It just came out of the oven and smells delish.  Hopefully it tastes as good as it smells.  If it actually tastes good I will put the recipe on here after Thanksgiving.

Traditional Green Bean Casserole...I can eat the beans but nothing else with this.  So...instead of eating this wonderful dish I am going to make asparagus wrapped in bacon (cause everything tastes better wrapped in bacon!).  No sauces, no cheese...just those two ingredients.  We had this the other night and we all enjoyed it so it is worth a try at the Thanksgiving table.

Rolls...I am eating 1 or 2 rolls.  Yes, yes I am.  These are the best rolls EVER and I am making them from scratch (in fact the dough is rising in the fridge as we speak).  I grew up eating these rolls and I am sure that I could find some healthier alternative but the fact is...I just don't want to.  I am going to savor each bite of these rolls and truly enjoy them, their texture, their taste and their yumminess.

Potatoes...I am not eating them.  I like them but they aren't my favorite food so I am ok not eating these if they will be on that Thanksgiving table this year.

Salad...I will be making a salad this year and will fill up on that if I am till hungry.  I doubt that I will be hungry because I eat less than what I used to but it will be there just in case.

Almond Strudel...this is just one of those items that are a tradition in our family.  I usually am the one to make this for the group but haven't found out if I need to do this.  There is no way to make this healthier and the amount of sugar in mostly in the frosting, which really is the best part.  I do love to eat this and could eat a lot of it but I'm not sure if I will be eating it this year.  I'll have to update what I decide on this one.

Are you thinking about your food choices on Thanksgiving or just enjoying the day?

My Spirit

Imagine this scene...
Its a beautiful day and you are riding along on a bike, going on a fabulous ride up and down hills. The hills get higher and longer with little breaks where you can admire the trees, grass and just enjoy the ride and catch your breath a little bit before you start that next hill.
SCRATCH......
Your ride is interrupted by someone asking you something. What are they saying? You cant hear because headphones are in your ears and truthfully you were really zoning out everyone at the gym while you were on the stationary bike. Imagining riding outdoors is so much better than staring at a gray wall.

So, what did that person ask me?

"How do you have the spirit to come here everyday?"

What?

I know I repeated that "what" a few times. Mostly because I didn't hear the words the first time and second, because I didn't quite get how my spirit was involved with this decision of going to workout.

I don't have the best responses to random people at the gym at 5:30am and so this was my response;
" I get up, get my coffee and come here. That is about it."

I should have said;
"If I stayed in bed every morning I would regret not going to the gym. I would have guilt if I knew that I could go and just didn't. Some days I need a break but most days I need to be here and start my day with a good sweat. I would be crankier, sassier (some would say I already am), and would just go back to bad habits again if I didn't show up. Bad habits for me lead to someone who is back in the obese category and I really don't want to go back to that miserable existence. My workout isn't just a habit. My workout is part of what I need to do to be the best person that I can be; emotionally, physically and spiritually. So, if you want to talk about spirit...well, that is another subject that I'd be glad to talk about with you while you spot me." :)

My 5:30am Conversation

I really enjoy teaching cycling.

I should just leave it at that but certain conversations mixed with some strong personalities are on my mind.

Conversation #1
It's 5:30am.  I'm going to clock in before class and this man (we shall call him "dude") comes up to a worker wondering where the teacher was.  I was then pointed at.  Here is how the conversation went.

Dude:  Your'e the cycling teacher? (said with a little bit of curiosity and major doubt)
Me:  Yes
Dude:  You're not Melissa.  (my thoughts were...Really?  in a very sarcastic tone...but only in my mind)
(a person in class walks by and says "Melissa just had a baby")
Dude:  Well, I am here for Melissa's class.  I am a bike racer all over Europe, Japan (other places too I'm sure but I started to zone out) and I am here for a challenge.  I am here for Melissa's class.  Is this going to be a challenge for me?  I woke up at 4am for this.

Hmm.  My response to that should be what?
First of all...it is 5:30am.  There is no way that you woke up at 4am for this class.  I've been at the gym since it opened at 5am and you were not out there on the floor working out.  (not said...of course)

I did tell this dude that he would have fun and that the class was very similar to what Melissa's class is like.  I don't have the same personality as Melissa but I can provide the same type of routine.

The reality is though that the challenge with the class really depends on the person...and I should have told him that.  If he wanted to work harder all you have to do is turn up the resistance or go faster with your pedal strokes.  I can tell you what to do but how hard you work is really up to you...and that isn't just in cycling class, that is in everything that you do in life.

The conversation didn't stop there.  He basically followed me into the class and wanted to continue telling me all about his racing career and how he needed to quit spending thousands of dollars on getting his bike faster and instead he should focus on just getting rid of the last 15 pounds that is slowing him down.

I had to finish up the conversation so I could actually teach the class but he asked me "What's your story?".  It's 5:45am, class is supposed to start and you want me to sum up in a few seconds how I got in the front seat in this class?  Here is what I told him:
"Well, I've been on a journey for over 2 years to get to this point.  I've lost about 70 pounds and am working really hard to get healthier and stronger.  Right now this is where I am at and I am having a great time and enjoy this."

As we were going through the class I expected that since this person was an avid biker and just a huge fan of himself that he would do a really good job in the class.  Worst form on the bike out of everyone there.  No matter what I said to him he was doing his own thing and determined to do so.  I'm glad that he was part of the class and I learned a little bit more about who he is, obviously, as well as myself as a cycling teacher.  It also reminded me of the kind of person that I strive to be.  The way he greeted me and his attitude at me is a way that I never want to portray to others as I meet them or talk with them.  

Conversation #2
Our gym is going through a lot of changes at the moment and things are just basically "crazy".  Members don't know what is going on.  Management is trying to figure things out but it is going to take time to figure out.  To sum up what happened...the gym was bought out by one company just as I started working there.  I had a boss that I communicated with via e-mail.  She quit.  She came back the next day.  She quit again a few weeks later and then I had no contact with any management after that until Tuesday night.  I still kept teaching although I hadn't been paid at all for over a month.  I knew there was a lot going on and I would figure it out eventually but since I had no manager at the moment there really was no point trying to deal with it in all of the confusion.

With the confusion comes changes.  I now have a new manager and there are also new policies in effect at the gym.  Some of them are just crazy and you can tell were made by someone who doesn't work out at all in a gym and others aren't such a big deal but people are making them a big deal.  One of the changes that is more on the ridiculous side is that the gym removed all of the dumbbells that weight 80 lbs or more.

Which leads to the second conversation which happened today.  I had a lot of info that I had to tell the cycling class members and before I started class I just listened to their conversations in the background as I set things up in the room.  The conversation was basically that they couldn't believe that the weights were taken out of the room for people to use.

I had to stop their conversation after it was just whine, whine, whine.  First of all, the person complaining and the rest of the people in the room don't lift those weights.  Ever.  I'm not saying that they never will be able to lift that heavy because everyone has the potential but at the moment they don't lift weights so I'm pretty sure that they won't be going to grab the 100 lb dumbbell anytime soon.  So, why complain about something that has no relevance or impact to you?  (Yes, I did tell them that.)  I also let them know that if this is a big concern or if any of the other changes going on in the gym are a big concern for them that they can go talk to one of the managers right now because he was actually in the building at 5am today.

There were no more complaints after that.

Complaining about something without stepping up and taking action to change something or at least complain to the right person is one of my biggest pet peeves.  If you want to complain (especially at 5:30am) about something as silly as a dumbbell that you don't even use then I am just going to guess...and this is just a guess...that there are some other hidden issues that are actually making you upset and cranky.  The manager was about 40 feet away and you could have gone to have a civil conversation with him about your thoughts of the weights.  When given that option you just stayed where you were, which just shows me that your complaint was really just a chance to whine to someone about something.

On a side note, I have had other conversations with this person...all ranging from the thoughts on plus size kids clothing, politics (that was election day), the city and their choices of different things, job problems and how other people in the class exercise.  That last one was a fun one...let me tell ya.  :)  

Maybe I am supposed to be teaching this class so I can help this person figure out where the inner anger is coming from?  Or...maybe I am just being told that I'm not drinking enough coffee in the morning before class and I should get a little bit more in me before these conversations.  :)

Running Uphill

Running uphill is a challenge.  You have to work hard, be mentally ready for the hills and try.  Sometimes it is a lot easier to go up those hills when you have someone by your side racing you.

I am now in the last 2 phases of my journey.  It has been a very long road but one that has been worth every hour when I could have been sleeping, every muscle ache from the exercises and every drip of sweat.  (I think I could fill a pool with all the drips I have had!)

2 phases.  That seems unreal at the moment but the reality is...I am finally here.  I can see this finish line and I am pretty excited about it.  I have been looking at this finish for over 2 years, working hard to reach this goal.  Some days I didn't think I would ever make it but I never gave up.  I still woke up early, I still tried new things, I still challenged myself and worked hard.  That is the only reason why I am now at the point where I am.  If I would have given up because "it's too hard" or "it's too early to get up" I would be back at the beginning and would need to start all over again.  I am SO glad that I am not at the starting line again!

I NEVER WANT TO START OVER AGAIN!

Snapshot of what I am doing now and what my goals are currently...

• I am now at the weight I was at the end of high school.  Crazy.  
• I made it to and past my goal that I have had in my mind and struggled with for the past year or more.  I have now lost over 70 pounds!
• I have been teaching cycling classes for over a month now and really enjoying it.  I also covered two abs classes which...were interesting, considering I had never been to an abs class before.  :)
• I am working on trying to teach classes at the gym I go to on a regular basis and not just be "the sub".  This actually has been an uphill battle in and of itself because of management and company changes and a little bit on the frustrating side at times.  After learning some things today I may actually have my foot in the door again to be an actual instructor.
• The first boxing class is over and the next one starts this weekend!  Nothin' like hitting a bag.
• I have three new weightlifting goals in mind that I am determined to accomplish and work towards.  1)  deadlift my weight (I am about 20 pounds away but haven't been doing these consistently) 2) increase weights on squats (this scares me a bit and I may have to start with the squat rack until I get comfortable with free weights) and 3) learn how to bench press.  I have a spotter for this one and now just have to learn how to do this properly.

The past few months I have been struggling with food.  I like food and I really like to eat it.  :)  I am not one who has great self-control with food and I know it.  I wouldn't have been 70+ pounds heavier if I did have self-control.  Those are all facts.

I also had all the information that I needed in order to break this major plateau that I was on.  I could recite to you what I was supposed to eat, what I should stay away from and even how much protein to eat if you like to lift weights.  What I was missing though was the help...someone to finish walking up this hill with me to continue with this journey.  I may be strong for a woman but I couldn't finish this journey on my own.

Chris started following a low-carb diet.  He was semi-excited but motivated to stay with it.  After he was eating this way for a few days I decided that it was time for me to jump in and do this too.  I could help him stay on track.  He could help me.  If you read about fat loss it is basically "get rid of carbs".  I know it.  I've read it a million times.  If I was truly serious about getting this last bit of fat off my body I had to follow this plan.  It's been in front of me this entire time and really it is just me needing to be ready to full accept this.

No sugar.  Very few carbs (like seriously small amounts).  Meat.  Salads.  That is about it.

It is working and I am enjoying the changes that I am seeing.  I even had a personal best with lifting the other day and lifted 270 pounds (plus the machine which is over 100 lb) on the leg press.  Do you know how good that feels?  I'll tell ya...awesome!  There are guys at the gym that can't lift that.  I know.  I've watched to see what they can do.  Can I lift more than that?  Yes.  I just am there by myself and am a little nervous as I lift things this heavy on my own.

I have a new goal in mind now and a fun reward for when I make it.  Mentally, I am still a size XXL with measurements that are crazy numbers compared to what they are now.  My head is still trying to grasp that I can wear clothing with just one letter on it and it will actually fit and not be tight.  

I'm excited for this to be the end.  Thank you, Chris, for being by my side in these last two phases!  

The life of Jessica Williams...today's snapshot

Nothing like writing a little bit after a trying day.  Here was my good, my bad and my somewhat ugly parts today.

First job...cycling class.  
100% happy about this class today.  Enjoyed all 50+ minutes of class and the workout I had before class.  Some of the people in class are asking when my regular classes will be after I am done being a sub and at the moment my communication to the gym seems to be just going one way.  No answer on that for now.  I'm not getting my hopes up because when I do and they come crashing down it really hurts.  So...I am just doing what I am doing for now and will ride this as long as it takes me.

I have been a sub for an abs class twice too.  That is a different experience and not something I know much about, especially since I have never taken an abs class before.  Thanks to boxing though I used a lot of those conditioning exercises in the abs class as well as other moves I have learned through Jeff and Girls Gone Strong.  The first class was a pretty rocky experience, the second class went a lot better and I felt more comfortable that day (I also had about 12 hours more time to prep rather than waking up and getting an e-mail asking me to cover class in 2 hours)

I am having a blast at the moment though with cycling and actually heard this conversation at the end of class today, "Jessica must not be the new girl any more.  She is yelling at us now."  (they said this with a sense of humor and they were just being funny)  I did go on to clarify with them that yes, I am still the new person since I get absolutely no information on what is going on and my yelling was not yelling, it was loud encouragement.  :)  It's a great class and very loyal people that wake up early to workout.

 To sum up the rest of the working day...
1) the volume level in our house is always at ear piercing levels. I am very serious about that statement.  Doesn't matter what I do, certain beings just have a crazy volume level and makes others plug their ears. You dont know loud till ya hear my house. This is all day, people, except when sleep is going on.

2) the "glares of death" from little ones has been a constant as well today. These are not nice smiley eyes...these are like daggers shooting at me.  I walk to the left...the eyes follow me.  I walk to the right...they still follow me.  Nothing I said or did was right for certain little people and they let me know it by their looks as soon as they walked in the door.

3). Kids in timeout. I might as well just rotate them in that spot today.

4). No naps. Enough said. Right?!

5). I finally got to eat my lunch at 2:15pm. (See no naps note above and I've been up since 4:30am...I am hungry.)

6) Kids and their behavior with parents.  I know the kids have trouble with the transition from day care to home but some days they are just a little overboard with their attitudes. I had a kid snarl at me yesterday morning as I said "good morning". Now, I've been working for about 2 months on having this child answer people when they are asked a question or when someone greets them. Snarling was not one of the responses I taught them. Nice way to start the work day, huh?

7). Last but not least, my own children. GOOD-ness. How many times do I seriously need to tell them not to bother the kids or me as kids are going home? Everyday...I guess that is the answer. Williams kids... Yes, I am talking to you.

I should mention a few cute moments too. My day isn't 100% horrible, just 98%. Here was the other 2%.

1). We are talking about Operation Christmas Child this week. The kids are gathering items, learning about other kids and who might be receiving the boxes and how Jesus loves everyone. One of the kids made two pictures for the boxes and wanted to make sure the kids getting the boxes had a birthday card too along with their Christmas gift. (This was done during the time they should have been sleeping but at least they used their time in a way that helped others.)

2). At lunch we were eating like always. Out of the blue, in a very sweet voice I heard "Jesus died on the cross for our sins. He really did."

Time to end the day...food, paperwork and laundry.

Sidney is 11!

I thought having a child turn 10 would make me feel old. I can say now that 11 makes me feel older.

We had a little party for Sid over the weekend. 7 kids altogether wasn't hard at all and we had a lot of fun.

The girls stayed over and we had a spa party. We had foot soaks, painted our nails and did face masks. At one point 4 girls and I were in our little bathroom trying to get their masks off. We also played Bingo and a balloon game.

The best part...Sid was in charge (with a little help from mom and dad). I wasn't stressed at all, I was able to work on some other things during some of the party, the boys had a friend over so they were happy... It was fun.

I was very impressed with my kiddos. Not only by their hospitality with their friends but also their compassion and genuine care that they showed to each friend. My kids made me very proud this weekend.

...and the boys got to soak their feet tonight :)

My boxing pics

These are backwards in the order they were taken but does give you an idea of what our boxing class was like.

30 seconds of boxing someone is hard work! At the end of class I was able to hit the bags continuously for 8 minute sets. When we started class we could hardly do 2 minutes straight.

Note for next time: don't smile as I am hitting someone. :)