A few weeks ago I had a moment where I knew what true exhaustion meant.
On a Thursday morning I opened up Quinn's PJ's to change him and that was our first sign that he was allergic to some medicine. I think I have written about that on our blog already but I didn't write about my reaction to the lack of sleep and how having an irritable child for over a week can change a mom.
From Thursday night until Sunday morning I had a total of about three hours of sleep. Our house was a disaster and I still was working with day care kids on Friday but had a son that wouldn't let me leave his side. I had a very challenging day on Friday, had families show up that day that didn't give me notice that they were coming to drop off their kids and so what I had planned for the night before was shot since my number of kids was different for the day.
This weekend was also choir weekend at our church which means that I am at church practicing and standing pretty much from 3pm until about 6pm on Saturday. Sid was also singing that weekend so she was with doing her practicing and then on stage for the service. Saturday went well...I was tired but I loved the songs we did and get energized by them. After choir Sid and I rushed out of the church to pick Micah up and get to the other side of town for a birthday party. I had Micah all ready to go when I left the house at 3pm but Chris had him change so I ran around the house, found his clothes he was supposed to wear, got him in the car and off we went to J.E.T.S. The kids changed in the car as I drove because the party started at 6pm and it was now 6:20pm. They thought it was fun and they did pretty well as I went around corners and down Hwy 52...wasn't the safest thing to do but we were limited on what we could do that day.
This was also the week before Christmas so while the kids were at the party I went and bought the last few gifts that we needed to get, grabbed a bite to eat and then went back to get the little munchins. Little did I know that that was the last moment to myself for the rest of the night :)
Sunday was a bit of a different story. Now remember this was now day 4 of Quinn being completely covered in hives and getting new ones each day. Benedryl made him hyper and would only take the edge off of the itching. We tried different flavors, strips and brands but the end result was Quinn spitting everything out or attempting to spit all of his medicine out. With Sidney and her specific taste buds I got really good at getting medicine in the mouths of little ones and had lots of practice with her when she was little so those techniques I learned when she was little came in handy with Quinn.
I can't say that I really woke up Sunday morning because I don't think that I really got to go to sleep. I did have to get up early though to get ready for church and choir and get Sidney and I to the church by 8am. We were there and I grabbed a Diet Pepsi and some Snackwell cookies since that was all I had time to grab and all we had in our house at the moment. We have an hour practice in the morning before church starts and I felt great...just tired.
I was on the stage in the back row of the risers and we were almost done with the 2nd to last song. I got a feeling and I have had it before and knew that I was moments away from fainting. I quit singing but made it look like I was singing. I couldn't go off the side of the risers but then remembered that the person in front of me was going to leave at the end of the song we were singing...I had a way down and off the stage that is in front of almost 500 people. I was just hoping that I would make it and not faint before the end of the song.
I leaned forward to the person and let her know I was following her so she wouldn't freak out. I got off the stage and didn't faint! I was shaking though and was incredibly weak.
I didn't end up singing during the second service but I was in the back of the church watching and singing with the choir. I was also crying and I don't think it was because I was sad in any way but was physically exhausted. My body just couldn't function anymore. I needed sleep, I needed a moment to not be taking care of my son that just wouldn't let me have a moment to even eat.
I did get to sleep that afternoon for about 2 hours and felt a lot better but I did back out of a few Christmas celebrations that our family was supposed to go to that day...I just couldn't do anything extra other than hold Quinn. We were all exhausted too and we just put in a movie that night, had a fire in the fireplace and laid all around the family room.
I was embarrased that my body crashed like that in front of so many people but I am also so thankful for all those that showed that they cared so much for me that day. I don't cry very often but that day I couldn't stop. I know what exhaustion feels like and I am sure that I will have moments like that again...I have just learned what my limits are and am reminded again that I need to take time for myself. All moms do!