Remember...people are watching "Jessica's Journey" February 16th

A few weeks ago I was sitting in a meeting and a tray of delicious cookies, bars and chocolaty treats were just a few steps away from me.  You know how tempting that is?  The smell alone could make me eat an entire tray of that stuff.  That day I was eating very well and for supper I had a plate full of salad.  I know, your mouth is watering as you read about the wonderful lettuce I consumed.

I did walk over and grab one delicious bar that had chocolate chips mixed in as well as yummy caramel.  So yum!

As I was eating this piece of heaven, a comment from a person next to me was muttered, "I'm not a good person to be with if you want to eat healthy".  This person stumbles on this blog occasionally so I am sure they will read this at some point.  (Hi!)  The comment made me think though.  I need to remember...people are watching.

I have lost a lot of weight...60+ pounds.  I know that the people who have been around me these last few years know that I have lost weight.  People have been watching.  People have been reading.  But what they don't see are the daily and sometimes hourly struggles that I have with food.  Food is my downfall.  Every day, every choice is just that...a choice.  If I decide to make my meal something that wouldn't fall under the "healthy" category then I know and I understand that those food items were my choice.  No one made me put those items in my mouth.  No one made me walk over to that table of yummy treats during that meeting, pick up the beautiful looking bar (I did pick the smallest one...fyi) and eat it.  I let myself do that.

Losing weight is a private battle and a public battle.  The private part is what goes inside of us during this change...all the mind talk, all of the accomplishments that we see, all of the conversations that we have with ourselves to help us get to a goal that we have in mind.  The public battle is what everyone else sees.  The public sees what we do at the gym (if they are there), they see what we are eating when we are with others and probably analyze every bit that we take and they see the physical changes as a result of both of those things.

After the comment was uttered to me I was reminded of someone that I admire a lot.  I would see this person at church and most of my conversations with this person was around food and weight.  This lady has accomplished so much...in fact she was featured recently on PBS regarding the Mayo Clinic Diet.  She has encouraged me from the beginning to be healthier and I am so proud of all that she has accomplished and am so glad that I met her.  The comment spoken to me helped me realize what I used to mentally think about this person that I admired.  At that time, I was trying to stay with the right foods and make the right choices and it was so tough in the beginning (still is though!).  I would watch what she was eating and what she was drinking and I would give her the same type of comments that I received during the meeting I was at.  I would analyze the choices that she was making and as I would make comments to her she would actually give me at times the number of calories that were on her plate.  I was probably secretly judging what she was eating and trying to justify what I had on my plate based on what she had on hers.  How stupid of me though!  I had no idea what she was eating throughout the day.  I had no idea what she had to tell herself to keep going each day.  I had no idea what type of workout she already did that day or how many calories or types of eating plan she was on.  This lady runs marathons for goodness sake!  She can have 2 pieces of pizza.

Remember...people are watching.

You will see me at Culver's.  You will see me dining out with my hubby Saturday night at a restaurant in the area (thank you Mark & Bonnie for watching the kiddos in advance!).  You will see me having an occasional Diet Pepsi.  What you won't see though are all of the salads, vegetables, fruit, lean protein, water, water and more water that I drink and all the stinking time that I put in at the gym...unless you also get up at 4:30am and go to WOW.  (PS...if you do, find me!  I would love to work out with someone and help me be more accountable!)  You won't see the exercises that I do with the kids to help them be healthy too and to help get them moving.

I have changed a lot physically.  I have changed a lot mentally.  I need to remember that people ARE watching my actions and looking to see what I am putting in my mouth.  Please don't be disappointed though if you see me putting something unhealthy on my tongue.  I am not perfect, I will not be eating healthy 100% of the time but I will try the best that I can.  Overall, I understand that getting healthier is my choice, each bite that I take is my choice.  Researching and trying the exercises that I have been given from Jeff takes time and it is my choice to make sure that I have a time in my day to workout.

Hopefully the choices I make will inspire others to be healthier too, since I now know that they are watching what I am eating.  ;)

Now...if only they would join me at the gym...I could have a lot of fun showing them how to do deadlifts  :)


My Update:  
I have 2 workouts left in this current phase.  I will be tackling one of these tomorrow.  The last week I got hit with a huge asthma attack and was really having a hard time getting this back under control.  I did make it to spin class today though and was able to get through the class without needing to leave or needing to use my inhaler.  This is a huge improvement over how I was even on Monday.  Monday I went to the gym and was going to just try to do what I could.  After 4 minutes on the elliptical, level 1, I was out of breath and had to get off.  Level 1...I couldn't even go full speed either!    This phase is almost over but it is the last week, which is the hardest.  Soon, soon, soon...I will have accomplished another phase!