Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Saying "yes"

Monday night sometime after midnight...

Chris hears a very loud thud. Thinking it is one of the kids falling out of bed he waits to listen for cries. No crying. He doesn't see a light on in the kids' bathroom but does see a light on in our bathroom. He finds me laying over the bathtub, eyes open but not conscious.

I wake up to see Chris staring over me, saying my name over and over. He was fuzzy, things were spinning a bit and I wasn't too sure what was going on.

After getting somewhat stable Chris chatted with a nurse on the phone to see what to do next. We were soon waking up the kids and heading to the ER. I was severly dehydrated and was in need of some fluids to get my body back to normal. Every time I stood up I would feel like I was ready to pass out again. After I got some fluids my blood pressure was not normal but was getting better.

Tuesday we were tired. Chris managed somehow to function on a few hours of sleep, get the kids off to school on time and work. Quinn and I hung out and around 11:00am I wasn't too sure how I was going to keep up with him throughout the day. He was busy getting me Gatorade every hour or more but that was about all I had the energy to have him help me with.

One of our family friends sent a text in the morning letting me know they would love to take Quinn for me during the day. Saying "yes" to having someone help me is not a normal reaction for me. I am a working, stay-at-home mom of 3 kids. I am very independant and am reminded that sometimes I am relying too much on myself. I can usually manage so many things on my plate without ever needing to even think of asking for help. I know that this can be my downfall though and at times I think this is my body's way of reminding me that I need to stop, think, listen and then react.

Stop. I need a few moments in my day to just not do anything. Being a mom that works day care in the house I don't have many moments to do that. I don't always have a moment to even eat lunch when I am dealing with 6 to 10 kids each day.

Think. Am I doing too much? Am I feeling tired? Have I ate enough today? What do I want to do? Waht is my body telling me to do? I don't want to over analyze what my body is doing but I also don't know all the reasons for what my body does at all times. Trying to understand all the symptoms is common sense stuff.

Listen. Knowing when those symptoms are signaling me to take action...that takes some skill. I have not mastered that skill. I had no idea that I wasn't feeling good. Other than my coughing I felt fine. Looking back over the last few days I see instances where my body may have been sending me a message. At Target, I didn't want to be there. I was drooping over the cart as I was pushing it because I was tired. I wasn't very hungry the last few days and I was pretty tired, a lot more tired than I usually am.

React. My body had its own way of taking care of this situation. Pass out cold. After I woke up I was very thirsty. My throat was dry. I couldn't talk very well and I really wasn't even stable enough to walk on my own. I'm surprised I didn't pass out a second time while we were at the hosptial as I was walking around from the admissions part, to the waiting area to the room where I was seen.

Saying "yes" is hard for me but I am learning that I need to ask for help. I am thankful Chris was home to help me. I am thankful that my friend took Quinn for the day yesterday. This is one thing I could not have been independant about and strong enough to handle. "Yes" is in my vocabulary this week.

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