My new reality...well, it is more of me needing to change my thinking a little bit.
See...I went to put on some clothes yesterday to head to church. My normal, everyday clothes are ones that I wear and don't care about how they look since I get baby drool, spit, food, formula, milk, diaper rash cream and who knows what else on me throughout the day. I can't care about my clothes because of that reason. But...I do have some clothes that I don't wear while I am working that I keep for going out into the public, like church. I don't really want to wear stained clothes out and about in the view of others.
I went to put on my belt that I love. It didn't fit. It is now way too big and has a certain pattern to it that I don't think it will work to punch some holes in it so I can still wear it.
Yes, I am excited! I don't think I have ever had a belt that was too big for me. I even just quit wearing belts because I didn't have any that fit and they just made me look worse.
I was also sad. I loved that belt. I know it is just a thing and I can probably go to Target and by the same belt again or one similar to it. The sadness hit me because at that moment I realized that at least half of the clothes in my closet no longer fit me. I have already given tons of clothes away that don't fit and right now I have at least 5 pairs of jeans and at least 10 shirts that don't fit anymore. I don't even want to think about my skirts that I adore! I spent a lot of money on those clothes at a very nice store that one of my friends worked at (meaning...I got her discount which made the clothes reasonable to buy). Parting with those clothes is more than just going down another size or 2. Parting with these clothes means that my thinking needs to change with what size of clothing that I wear.
I'm not sure that my brain has grasped this new size yet. Yes, I have been this size before but it has been a very long time and my thinking is still that I need to buy a certain set of numbers or letters. This is really tough for me and really is just a struggle with my mind to understand that I no longer need to look for that certain size. If I pick out a ___ size off the rack I really can wear that size.
I actually was given a glimpse of this new reality a few weeks ago. I needed a pair of capris to wear to spin class. Shorts don't work for that class and pants would be pretty warm. Capris are perfect. I stopped at Old Navy and picked out a few to try on. My usual size that I wear was actually falling off of me after I pulled them on. Old Navy isn't really known for being big in their sizes so I was actually pretty shocked with this. I reluctantly tried on a size smaller than what I usually wear and they fit perfectly. It didn't click though in my mind that I was this new size. It took a belt that I love to show me that I no longer am trapped by the old 2 digit number.
I am now very close to my next goal and have learned a few things on this weight loss journey.
1) Exercise is key. No matter how many times I heard it before I really never understood how important this was until now. I am happier when I exercise, I like to challenge myself and I haven't been as sick as I was last year during these last few months.
2) It takes a spark. I heard how important it was to be healthy...over and over. I don't even know how many times but it really didn't matter if you told me 10 times or 10,000 times. There has to be a spark that takes place in order to get you going. You have to be your own motivator. No one is going to drive you to the gym or walk you down to your treadmill to go a few miles. You have to find it in yourself to take care of yourself. If the spark isn't there then the journey will come to a stop and that will be your own decision. It may be disguised in the form of some excuse but the reality is that the decision really is yours. No time. Get up earlier. No money. You can walk outside. Too hard with kids. Have them be part of this journey with you and show them at the same time how important it is to be healthy. The day that Sid broker her arm...the kids were riding their bikes and I was running behind them with Quinn in the stroller. Looking back I wish I would have changed my clothes before rushing her to the hospital because I was covered in sweat from that run on the hot July night...but, the kids were part of my journey that day and they enjoyed it...well, up until the part where Sid fell off her bike :)
3) It's a mind game. The gym that I go to has promotion quite often to encourage people to join. There is always a new group of people that I see at the gym while I am there and you can just tell that they are newbies. After about 2 weeks, I usually see less and less of them and the gym goes pretty much back to the way it was with the usual people that were there before the big promotion. Occasionally though there will be someone that sticks it out and is there everyday. I recently made chit chat with one lady that had joined recently. She's not an athlete and not in shape but she was dedicated to being at the gym everyday. I told her that it was good to see some of the same people every day. She then told me that on the 18th (which is tomorrow), she will have been at the gym for 30 days in a row. I told her that she was doing a great job and I know how hard it is to be consistent and how hard it is to push yourself. She mentioned that it's not just that but it is also a mind game too. You have to get your mind in it in order to succeed. And...I totally agree!
4) Do what works. Everyone is different so you have to do what works best for you.