Friday, December 23, 2011

Jessica's Journey...December 23 "the point of exhaustion"

I have had a few moments where I know that I have been at true points of exhaustion.

First time...when Quinn had a reaction to medication.  It was about a full week of no sleep (or about 1 to 2 hours a day and night and a nap if it was possible while watching Quinn during the day), still working some of those days and doing extra activities.  It was just before Christmas and of course everything seemed to happen that week.  My point of exhaustion came when I was standing on stage in front of our church and knew that I was going to faint if I didn't get off at that moment.  I was in the back row and getting off a stage without drawing attention was not going to be easy.  God planned the perfect moment though and had the person who was helping the kids sing during the last Christmas song get off the stage.  She stood in front of me.  I just followed her out.  The only people that knew were those in the choir and my husband.  During the second service I didn't join in with the choir.  I knew I wouldn't make it through. Instead, I stayed to watch and stood in the back.  Sidney was part of the kids choir so she was going to be up on the stage so I had to stay plus, I wanted to watch her.  I stood in the back and was so exhausted I just cried.  Our pastor walked in and stood by me.  I tried to stop crying but I couldn't.  My body needed sleep and I was losing control.

Second time...not too long ago.  See, I have a tendency to not know how sick I really am.  I am learning and trying to figure this out and am getting better, I think.  :)  This time I didn't figure it out fast enough though.  I was sick, was having another bout of bronchitis and my coughing was taking its toll on me.  I was working every day, still doing everything I needed to do and even went to the doctor to try to get another medicine to try to help get rid of the cough and also to be preventative and get my flu and pneumonia shot.  I was trying to do the right thing!  The doctor was not entirely helpful.  In fact, she forgot that I was getting my shots and I had to remind her that I needed those as she was walking out the door.  She also asked me if I was feeling out of breath.  I answered "yes" because when it feels like someone is choking you all the time or someone is sitting on your chest I would say that this would constitute as feeling out of breath.  I couldn't breathe without coughing.  Her answer (get this...) was, "Well, you don't look like you are out of breath."  Lady, I think I know what I feel like and what I feel like is not normal.  That night I woke up and thought I was going to be sick and the next thing that I knew was Chris waking me up.  I was laying on the bathroom floor and had fainted.  My blood pressure would go crazy as soon as I sat up and when I stood I was dizzy and sick.  After 2 days of doing pretty much nothing, I finally got enough energy to fold a basket of laundry.

This morning at the gym I felt exhaustion in my arms as I was doing curls/presses.  My arms didn't want to lift any more weight.  They hurt so bad!  I couldn't lift as much as I did last week and that made me feel like I was failing.   I wanted to quit. That would have been the easy thing to do.

After I was done with all the exercises I finished up my intervals on the bike.  My legs were burning, there are no other words to describe it.  I kept telling myself that I only had 4 more times to go...then 3...then 2...last 1.  I can push as hard as I can cause this is the last one!  Just 10 more seconds.  Anyone can push hard for 8 seconds!  Done.

I reached my point of exhaustion today during my workout.  

I wiped the sweat off the floor, the bike and the different sections of the bike where I dripped all over.  It was truly disgusting.

Am I glad that I went to the gym this morning?  Yes.  Am I going to stop when I am tired?  No.  I will stop when I am done.  Even if it means that I will be exhausted.  The guy that helps me wrote once that I can always rest in the car on my way home from the gym.  How true is that!?

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